Smile!

There is always something to find joy in ^^

trust!

everything that happens is filtered through God's will and no matter what path you take, God is in all of them :)

that has been very encouraging for me. as my interview draws nearer i'm getting more nervous but i need to really just trust God in this. if this is where He wants me to go, then this door will be opened for me.

i have this problem that whenever there's a decision before me that's partially made, i get really excited about it and get ahead of myself. i think i'd really like to go to york. i've never actually wanted something before and have this possibility of not being able to get it....usually i'll try my best and somehow God blesses me and i'm able to achieve it. but this opportunity here, it really seems so out of my control...i can do my best but really, i dunno if i'd get it. it's really up to God. i hope that this is His plan for me. i also hope though that if it isn't, i'd still be okay with that and continue to trust God in his plan for me....that He has something better planned :)

my struggle before was between teaching and interning with ivcf. i guess i wanted to know that it was okay for me to say no to interning and that i'd still grow and learn and have God so present in my life. i don't believe interning is the only way to grow more, though i know it's a great opportunity to. i know york will be a really good opportunity too. even if i get into laurier or western i know both those places will be too comfortable for me.

ahhhh it makes me so much more nervous because i really want this...but i know that everything is under control, God's got my back. i just need to let go and completely trust him and believe that whatever the outcome it is part of his plan for me!

prayers will be veryyyyy appreciated! haha not that i do well on the interview but that i can completely surrender this opportunity to God and trust that God is with me every step of the way :)

Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands.

Deuteronomy 8:2

gungor

gungor has such good music. there is so much truth in their lyrics. i first heard of gungor after bangladesh when my staff sent us 'beautiful things.' that had so much truth in where our team had come from. now i'm listening to all their other stuff and it's so good! haha

it's crazy thinking back on bangladesh. it's impacted my life so much and it's almost been a year since. i miss it so much. i don't know where my life would be right now if i hadn't decided to go. it really was life changing. i learned so much from it and bringing those experiences back home made me learn so much more and view God in a whole different light. i want to go back. i wanted to go back this summer. i don't know why i said no...out of fear? i'm not sure. but the decision's made and i can't really change it now :/ bahhh when will i go back again?

this is a good song too :) relevant since we were just studying the prodigal son.

what my husband and marriage will be like

Amanda + Jacob | Feature from Paperback Films on Vimeo.

this is seriously soooo beautiful. my husband needs to desire God more than me...it is worth the wait :)

set a fire down in my soul
that i can't contain
that i can't control

I don't know what it is about being back in Waterloo. The conference was seriously so good. I'm still trying to figure out what God wanted me to receive from it but I really caught a glimpse of the kind of community God intends for his believers to live in. During our extended worship time on Saturday night, it seemed as though every thing that normally holds people apart, whether it's differences in culture, language, communication or even fear and judgment just disappeared. The Holy Spirit just poured himself into the room. It was so present that you couldn't walk in and deny it's presence. It was so powerful. Everything that would normally hold people back from worship, from prayer, from community seriously just disappeared. Strangers were offering prayer to each other, groups of people were praying and clinging onto the power of the Spirit, people all over the room were just worshipping and pouring out praise. It was so free and so joyful. It's so true in the Bible when it says, "where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is FREEDOM!" People were just free to be themselves, free to express what was going on inside of them, free to pray, free to worship, free to ask for prayer and share and be in community. It makes me just realize how the things we put so much emphasis or care on in our daily lives, really don't matter. We fear what others may think, we fear we may say the wrong words or offend people, we fear that people don't actually care or love us. We fear we may cross the line between cultures and do something wrong, we fear that we may not understand others or they won't get us, we fear so many things but really, in God's family, in his kingdom, these things aren't there. We are free to worship and free to be ourselves completely knowing there is no judgment and that there is love and joy. It was really a great night.

Now i'm back in Waterloo and I dunno....I just want to be by myself, not see people, go to my cafes, journal and drink coffee....hahah is that normal? Maybe it's just my introverted self needing to re-energize myself. I'm coming from such an amazing weekend, I don't want to go back into my hole I was sort of in. I still don't think things are sorted out between God and I but i'm praying for more clarity. Maybe there has been but i'm not sure. I think I just need to learn to be patient. I say that i'm waiting on God but putting my own time expectations on it. That's not completely surrendering to God....still things I need to work on :/

anyway....this is a sick cover of Adele :P