I think the days feel longer when its closer to your time away. Tuesdays are just long in general. Yesterday was just full of meetings and forum and today...it wasn't really long but it seemed like it since I get tomorrow off!

I went to a cafe today and sat there for about 2 hours just journaling and sketching :) It was some really nice time to myself. I also made my pork chops and scalloped potatoes!! I must say they were quite delicious :D It was a success...thanks MOM! <3 Everyone liked it! :D

Anyway, this is super short, partly because nothing interesting really happened and also because I am just super tired! I feel like an old lady that gets tired super early and with cramps everywhere! and i'm not even 20 yet! -.-

Caritas: Day...?

It was so hard to wake up this morning! I am so tired :( I didn't do much but it was a bit hard falling asleep yesterday and so I wasn't very well rested :(

BUT! Today I learned to knit! hahaha or actually, I'm learning to knit. Omgoshhh it's a lot harder than it looks and it takes so much concentration but i'm gonna knit a scarf by the end of this summer! :D I also went to Fabricland today and bought a whole bunch of fabric for projects I have in mind :) Hopefully I'll be able to accomplish them :)

My weekend was very nice! It's nice being back home and seeing family and friends. It's always just not the same being somewhere else.

I've also officially 'graduated.' haha I can bathe one of the core members on my own now :P Also, on Wednesday, I have to cook...it's supposed to be pork chops and potatoes...uhm...I have absolutely NO ideaa how to cook that!! I tried using the stove today and it started smoking -.- they also do not have soya sauce in the house...at all! I did not think myself as very asian, but I have no idea how to cook pork chops and potatoes. The only pork chops I can think of are my dads and there's no way I can make that here. They have a lot of spices but no sauces and usually Chinese food is saucyy! If you have tips, PLEASE let me know!!

Anyway, tomorrow is going to be a longgg day! Tuesdays are always the longest so I'm gonna sleep early early!! (This is so sad, it's not even 10 and I want to sleep :D )

Carita House: Day 6

I've made it through my first week!!! almost...haha :P

Today was a really nice day, probably the best i've had so far :) The morning was good, I shadowed getting one of the core members ready for the day and just hung out with another one. At noon Clara and Soms came to visit! We had lunch at Pazzo's...delicious, we chilled, hung out and made triple bond bracelets!! hahaha :) It was nice to just have a break away from everything and just be able to spend time with good friends :)

After they left, I went with my house leader and another core member to the race track and drove around for a bit. It was really nice and I really enjoyed it :) We played tag at the track and it was just a good time to interact and get to know each other...except that I ducked making my house leader fall when he was trying to tag me and I got a couple scraps on my ankle! Haha it was pretty funny though :P For the drive we just drove around...don't even know where...around the countryside...it was nice just chatting with my house leader, he's pretty cool :)

For supper we had RICE!!! I was missing rice so that was nice...although it really can't add up to asian rice... it was still a nice substitute :) We went for another walk after that with 2 other core members and my house leader and again, just more interaction time :) I really like being able to spend time with them. You get to know them more, their personalities come out and I just had a lot of fun :)They're all so special and unique and they're funny!!

It was a good week but I am definitely looking forward to my weekend back home!! :)

Carita House: Day 5

Sorry I didn't post yesterday :) I was so tired I fell asleep at 10:30 haha -.-

Yesterday was a nice day :) I met with the assistants coordinator in the morning to figure out some stuff and during my time away I walked around downtown again. I discovered such a nice place. I love it! It's called the Shakespearean Gardens and it's in downtown but you go into it and it's so peaceful. There are flowers and trees everywhere and a cute little gazebo. The lake runs through it and there are all these rocks you can just sit on and chill. It's so nice and quiet, such a good place to just read or write or draw :)

I also ate at this place called Boomers...its actually pretty good. They have really good fries there and the burger was so juicy! haha

I love my time away! It's such a nice break to get out of the house, explore the city and just have some time to myself.

Today I went to the Tango Cafe and Grill...it was okay. It looked cooler on the outside. I discovered this other little street though with cute little shops. It'll have to wait for me to explore :) I love the shops in Stratford. I found this other place today, it is quite dainty hahaha. It's really cute, they had like everything in there are scrapbooking, journaling, exploring, really nice :)

Ya, Stratford is pretty nice to explore. It's such a small town but there's so much room for creativity here! The houses are so cute too! :P

Things have been going well :) I know it just takes time at first but i'm thankful for my time away cuz it's kind of an outlet to just get away from the house sometimes. The house is not bad and I love the people here but to be in it for a long time does kinda get a little exhausting! I can't wait for my weekend to go back home and see family and friends and get rejuvenated!! :D

Carita House: Day 3

I can't believe it's only day 3! haha it feels like its been awhile already. I find it kinda hard, it's hard to mingle and feel comfortable. I feel much more comfortable to be myself with the core members than with the other assistants...maybe cuz I feel like they won't judge? And the assistants are all friends already so it's hard to try and squeeze myself in :( and ya...i dunno...I feel inadequate sometimes. I don't really know what to do so sometimes I just feel so useless or like i'm getting paid to watch TV, but my house leader was telling me that I guess this is how L'Arche is. You kinda learn everything slowly, you observe and learn personalities and then you learn to love them and care for them. You can't really think of it as a job but rather that this is a house in which I live and live life with them. It emphasizes on community and a family life which is really good but right now it's just hard to fit in. I know it's only been 3 days, but still...it feels weird...I just wanna go crazyyy haha :P

On a brighter note, I did get to explore the city a bit today :) I walked around 'downtown.' haha I dunno if it's classified as downtown, kinda like Waterloo uptown. It's pretty nice though. It's just a small town with a lot of really cute shops and cool cafes! And of course the lake!! It's absolutely beaUtiful! :) There are SO many swans too...like literally 20 of them...haha Waterloo park swans seem ghetto compared to this one. But I still like the Waterloo one better I think...it's homier :P This one basically just has a track around the lake with a few benches but Waterloo has gazebos and UFO swings...and nothinggg can beat UFO swings :)

We also had community worship tonight so everyone got together and sang songs and heard bible stories :P There were kids there too that were singing and doing actions...reminded me of VBS :( it was nice though haha

anywayy I need to find more stuff to do cuz I think i'm gonna get bored quickly :P I did bring a lot of books, but I think I need more variety haha :P

Carita House: Day 2

Today was a nice day :) I think i'm slowly getting used to what working here is like. It's pretty relaxed...we have to help the core members get ready for their day programs in the morning, clean the house and then we get some time off during the day. In the evenings when they come back we cook dinner and just hang out...haha seriously, this is the most TV i've watched in a longgg time! :P Since it's my first day though I got to sleep in :P

We had a formation meeting this morning and so I met other assistants from other houses. After that I went with my co-worker Maria to her house to help set up her dog cage. Her dog is SO cute! And SO obedient!! It makes me want a puppy more...one day! :P

I'm slowly getting more comfortable in the house. It definately takes time! It's weird though cuz I feel like I could get more comfortable with the core members than with my co-worker quicker...I dunno why. I really like my co-worker though, she's chill and cool but I dunno...I think with me, it just takes time to get comfortable and be my crazy self around people :( I wish I wasn't like this and I could just be really comfortable so that I could adjust easier but that's okay. The environment is still really great and they definatly try to make it like a house feel :)

aww...just now one of the core members, Kevin, he knocked at my door. I thought it was going to be Maria or something but it was Kevin and when I opened the door he was like see you tomorrow! awww :) Makes me happy :) I guess cuz I didn't say good night or anything to him...he even made me a welcome sign when I got in yesterday :P

ya...haha work is not bad at all...just need time to adjust so keep me in your prayers :)

Anyway, need to start waking up early tomorrow so I need to start sleeping earlier...my sleeping schedule is still messed up from finals -__-

Carita House: Day 1

I'm finally settled in :) I'm all unpacked and my room feels more like my room now :)

I think this summer is definatly gonna be different. It'll be fun but also very challenging. It's going to take some getting used to and i'm not the best when it comes to adapting to change :(

It's only my first day but I already love the people that live here. I got in around 3:30 this afternoon, Clara and Somi stayed for dinner. Thanks girls <3 I think that helped, having them here while interacting with the people in the house...not having to totally be by myself and trying to get comfortable :P

It was Kevin's birthday today (he's one of the core members that live in my house) so we had a party :P People from all the houses came and we had cake :) Afterwards we went to the English Parlour for some wine :P

It is definatly different from your everyday job. You're basically just living life with them :) I'm excited but I know it's also going to be difficult.

I don't feel my best right now, very tired both physically and mentally. Pray for me please :) Just for strength to get through each day and to really just be open, to learn from these individuals and be able to shine God's love :)

my room :)

But have not love, I am nothing

How amazing is God's love that despite all my inequities He still loves me. Even though I keep sinning,, turning away and pushing Him away, He never gives up on me. He stays the same, His unfailing love.

Love never fails. It's so hard to love. I struggle constantly with loving those around me, whether with my words, expressions or actions. It's easy to be annoyed and after awhile forget that you should love them. Instead you get caught up by the little things that never used to bother you...but LOVE.

Love is what we're called to do. We love because Jesus loved us. And how great is God's love that He died for us? Love is sacrifice. Sacrificing yourself for family and friends and even those that hate you. How do we love like Jesus. How can we have a heart like Jesus?

Without Jesus we can never do it. We're humans and fall short. We're imperfect and incapable. I need Jesus to help me and remind me to constantly love those around me. Even when its hard. How small is our strength when we falter in times of trouble?

But when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When Jesus comes, all our baggage and burdens, everything we can't do and aren't...it all disappears because Jesus fills us. He makes me complete. He fills the emptiness and void inside of me. It is Jesus and only Jesus who can make me feel whole again!

Proverbs 24

I've realized how easy it is to fall into the ways of this world. I don't mean like drinking, partying, sleeping around and stuff like that, but in subtle ways.

It's easy to forget the hurt and suffering of this world when I myself is not part of it. It's easy to ignore the things friends around you do and say, even if it goes against what you believe. It's easy to just let it be instead of confronting. And it's so easy to just get consumed into my own life, that I forget my purpose here and the greater kingdom of God.

I guess one thing i've really struggled with this year is witnessing. How can I stand out as a Christian and be different amongst my non-Christian friends? How can I show them how amazing this personal relationship with Jesus is? Sometimes it's just easier to live like this world instead of counter culturally as Jesus calls us to do.

"If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength? Rescue those being led away to death; hold back those staggering toward slaughter...Fear the lord and the king, my son, and do not join with the rebellious, for those two will send sudden destruction upon them, and who knows what calamities they can bring?...But it will go well with those who convict the guilty, and rich blessing will come upon them. An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips."

All throughout Proverbs 24 I feel like God is just addressing this fear I have. Though when you read it, it may seem extreme...it's the truth. All my friends i'm not witnessing to, they are just being led away to death. I don't want friends and family that I love to subject to such sudden destruction. But yet, every time, each time, i'm afraid. I'm afraid to say something or speak out. I KNOW that confronting with love is what we're called to do. When we see our brothers falling, do we just stand there and watch?

But why is it so hard?
Why is it so hard to share about Jesus when it's so easy to talk about other stuff? Meaningless stuff? I mean in the end, it all just comes down to whether you know Jesus or not and whether or not you have that eternal life...why do we consume ourselves so easily into the ways of this world?

I dunno...I have a feeling this summer is going to be different in so many ways. I don't know what God's going to do but I feel like it's going to be big :)

He knows my heart

It's amazing how doing devos can change your day and shape your actions and decisions.

Today I just opened my bible up to a random proverbs and it was proverbs 29. I've been struggling a lot lately with friends and family, with patience. I've been noticing lately that i'm easily frustrated and start to get annoyed at a lot of things. I didn't know if it was the stress building up or the people i'm constantly with, but anyway, proverbs 29 verses 8 and 11 says: "Mockers stir up a city, but wise men turn away anger." and "A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control."

I realize lately that when things bug me or annoy me, I easily just start ranting and venting to my friends or family. I used to not be like that! I could keep myself under control and realize that everyone has a bad day or it may just a misunderstanding or miscommunication. Instead now, I forget about that and sometimes blow it out of proportion that after awhile, the little thing that first annoyed me has become some big thing that's not even related anymore.

It was a good reminder today while reading that. It's crazy how God is so much greater than my heart, He knows my heart, He knows what I struggle with... I need to turn back to Him instead of depending on friends and family because in the end, we're all humans. We fall short, we fail, we struggle but God never changes. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He stays the same, His unfailing love!