at peace :)

as reading week is coming to an end i have to say it was a much needed restful and somewhat productive week! in terms of school, not so much but coming out of this week i feel at peace with post-graduation uncertainty.

i was struggling a lot between whether or not i should intern with ivcf or if teacher's college was the path God was calling me to. the question i struggled a lot with was am i saying no to God if i say no to ivcf? and the answer obviously is no. i realize that ivcf truly has so much to offer me. in terms of growing myself, being stretched and pulled, brokenness revealed and healed, becoming more aware and learning more about who Jesus is and what he wants for me...i know ivcf can offer me that and i truly desire that as well. but as i was going through my discerning process i'm learning to see that ivcf in many ways is comfortable for me to. i know the organization, how it works, the people in it, in some ways it's just an extension of what i'm doing now but in another place and in a different community. i don't doubt that i'd grow and learn a lot but it is still something familiar to me.

with teacher's college i was afraid to say yes because i thought that if i said yes it would mean a pause in my growth with Jesus. but that is not at all true or will i allow that to be true. i think going to teacher's college will be hard and difficult in so many different levels. i'll have to immerse myself with a different community altogether, people who aren't christians and people who haven't come from good and loving families like mine. i believe though that God can use this opportunity to open my eyes more into the hurt that breaks his heart. i believe he can take this opportunity to show me more of how my gifts can be used to glorify him and bring his kingdom to earth.

i guess for me in making my decision to go to teacher's college i'm really asking God to send me out and reach the broken. i know i can do that on campus but in some ways i feel like i wanna get my feet dirty (?) i want God to show me more of his kingdom and more of his heart and his love for his people. i think i will still grow a lot on this path but it'll be a different type of growth than i've been growing. it's like God's been molding the left side of my body and now it's type to mold the right side.

i understand that i'm not done growing on my 'left' side but i guess i'm really excited for God to show me new things and to take me into new risks for him.

both interning and teacher's college are great things. i'm realizing that now. there is no right or wrong decision and God can use me in both but he left me with a choice to pick. he's in both those paths and i will grow in both of them so i'm at peace with my decision :) i'm not saying no to Jesus when i pick teacher's college and even on this path there are so many things i'm fearful of but i'm just excited to have this new opportunity in front of me for God to show me a different side of himself!

i'm saying all these things with the assumption that i'll get into teacher's college hahaha but i think even if i don't, i am at peace as well. i can take my year off to follow my other passions and discover God in new ways as well :) all in all now i'm just ready to graduate! i'm anticipating what's next and what's to come!