a new year, a year for growth and a year for change

I thought I'd change the look to my blog :) I realize I wanna start new and start fresh. I need to change my way of looking at things and my attitude. I need to learn to focus on change in myself to grow and become better.

I find it hard to believe in myself at times and I guess I don't have much faith in myself. It was really 'weird' hearing my dad and sister telling me that I had a lot of potential and seeing just HOW much they believed in me. It makes me wanna do more and achieve the potential that they can see in me! Instead of always being afraid to aim high and being scared of failure, I need to aim high and just do my best. Who knows where things will take me, there are so many opportunities out there and so much support in a variety of issues and activities, I just need to not be afraid to get out of my comfort zone.

I'm also learning that we truly need to live each day as if it were our last. I learn so much talking to my dad, he seriously is so wise! But as a child I remember thinking my dad was a superhero, he was undefeatable and nothing could stand in his way and even now, he still is my superhero :) but growing up I'm learning just how weak we are as humans and how life can be taken away just as easily as it is given...

SO this year, it's a new year and it's a year for growth and change! I need to learn to be more confident and not be afraid but to trust God with my life and plans.
I need to show my appreciation and love more to my family and I need to live each day to its fullest with no regrets! Life is too short for having regrets, we need to live in the present, do what we can as who we are wherever we are! We are who we are for a reason and we are where we are for a reason! :D

I have watched the most movies in the last few days than I have for a while haha :P

I watched Voyage of the Dawn Treader Saturday night and Black Swan Monday night...both were really good!

Black Swan...haha I'm not too sure what to say about it but Natalie Portman was amazing! The movie showed really well the pressures people are under I think and how easy it is for us to succumb to temptations and basically do whatever we can to get what we want...also shows how weak we are as humans...

I really really liked Dawn Treader! I felt that it was soooo applicable to what we struggle with everyday. It talks about evil spirits and how it's so easy to fall into temptation and how each 'spirit' is shaped into what we individually struggle with most. It also shows how sin can turn us against one another when really we need to be working together and loving each other. There was this one part where Eustace turns back into a boy from a dragon and he says something along the lines of "no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't do it on my own, and then Aslan appears and scrapes off his dragon skin, at first it's kind of painful, but it was a good kind of pain." I guess that just reminded me of how so many times I try to do things on my own and rely on myself when in the end, we are weak and we can't do it on our own! Also when things don't go as we planned, it hurts but in the end, God is in control, He knows the bigger picture and has a better plan for us...it's hard to accept sometimes but that pain is a good kind of pain and it is that pain that helps us grow :)

AND it was a good reminder that we need to focus on the present, what we can do now and how we can be used now rather than dwelling on the past and having regrets!!

It was really such a good movie! CS Lewis has so much wisdom! And then the funny thing is, the sermon on Sunday was also similar to the movie in that our 'enemies' are not those of flesh and blood but the system...how everything is set up, the pressures we have, the stereotypes there are...which reminded me of Romans 12:9-10...'Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.'

It can become so easy to dwell on the bad of people and think that it's them and that's all they are and forget to see the good! We just need to love people constantly which is something I struggle with...easier said than done >_< BUT we can't do it on our own right? hehe funny how everything kinda ties together :P

it's been awhile since my last post :P I thought I updated during Christmas break but I guess I was having too much fun :D it's kinda hard to believe that another school term has started. I'm starting to feel the pressure a bit now that it's 3B and I need to think about grad school. I've decided to do a joint major with psych and poli sci and switch out of arts and business...I never actually understood why I decided to switch into business. Yes it does open up opportunities but business is not for me. I don't really know why it took me so long to switch into poli sci...I mean i'm still not super certain that this is what I want to do but it does make my future look a little more clear.

I've always had a heart for children and injustices, something with human rights but I never really knew what I could do with that and psychology. I'm taking an intro psci course this term and i'm learning about such interesting stuff! There is so much knowledge I need to learn and engage in I realize regarding the world, international relations and just issues that are going on. It's kind of exciting :) and scary at the same time...I think I wanna learn all this and maybe do something with global governance? There's a grad program for that that i'm aiming for but it's kinda scary...I guess i've always been a bit afraid to aim at things because i'm afraid of failure? And aiming for this grad school makes me freak out a bit but I think it's also making me realize that I've never accomplished fully the things I wanted to because I never thought I could...AND it's making me trust in God haha

so hopefully things with transferring my program will work out :) and then I guess once that's settled I can seriously look into grad school :P

Christmas!

I LOVE Christmas!!! I always forget how great it is to be with family and friends again, just sharing in laughter and FOOD!!! We had our Christmas service tonight :D It was so nice to see everyone home! The turkey was SO delish and Heidi's neopolitan was amazing as always!!! We also did our super last minute performance! hahaha it was so great :P We did it to N'sync's Merry Christmas Happy Holidays and i'm sure the parents quite enjoyed it!

Now I need to pack for NY! I'm super excited!!! It's gonna be so much fun! We met up today to plan out our itinerary and what we're gonna do! I'm looking forward to it so much especially since we got to customize it ourselves! We're leaving tmr morning at 7 -___- hahaha I don't think i'll sleep tonight :P We're planning on seeing a Christmas show featuring the Rockettes, finding a cheap broadway and going around doing all the touristy stuff like Soho, Wall Street, the Rock, Statue of Liberty...and hopefully guggenheim too! hehe it'll be fun! I've been to NY before but only for half a day so it'll be nice to explore the city! We'll be spending Christmas in the car tho haha driving 10 hours tmr ><

anyway I SHOULD start on packing :P

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

hehe I like this song ^^


gah!!! It feels SO nice to be done =D Although my last exam didn't go that great it feels good not having to study anymore and getting to sleeeeep! haha

The only semi-stressful thing left is Christmas shopping :P but I love buying gifts for people and wrapping them up and making it pretty so it's still enjoyable! I just need to get everything done on timee~

I can't wait for Christmas!! I lovee this time of the year!!! :D:D:D:D

one more exam left!! I just want to be doneee! I have no motivation left to study haha

so this morning...wow...God is good is all I can say. Today kinda started out a little dull cuz I only had 2 hours of sleep last night and I was sooo tired! I felt kinda bad cuz I was definately fishing during service...

anywayy I find it really funny and crazy at the same time how things are never as you plan them out to be!

It was so scary today...I basically couldn`t stop my car and I hit this lexus in front of me...I was freaking out a bit cuz I was just thinking this did not just happen to me. I did not just hit a car, and frikkk I need to study, I dont wanna pay for fixing it and stupid insurance is gonna go up etc... but the strangest thing happened!!! We both put on our hussle lights and got out of the car...and the woman was just like, nothing happened right? There was no collision...I was like uh...right...and then she's like ok we're good then? have a nice day and she got into her car...I was soooooo confused!!! But I suspected that her daughter was driving illegally without a license...

anywayyyy I just thought that I was so lucky and it's weird how things happen or don't haha

i realize this post is all over the place kekeke but my brain isn't really functioning properly right now i believe...

what i'm trying to say IS things happen or don't regardless of whether or not we plan for it but it's crazy how things just work out or we learn so much from it etc...

hahahahhha ok i think this post is not gonna make any sense because my thoughts aren't making sense in my head either

SO i'll just share with you this song that i am recently really liking :D

Psalm 119:33-40

33 Teach me, LORD, the way of your decrees,
that I may follow it to the end.
34 Give me understanding, so that I may keep your law
and obey it with all my heart.
35 Direct me in the path of your commands,
for there I find delight.
36 Turn my heart toward your statutes
and not toward selfish gain.
37 Turn my eyes away from worthless things;
preserve my life according to your word.
38 Fulfill your promise to your servant,
so that you may be feared.
39 Take away the disgrace I dread,
for your laws are good.
40 How I long for your precepts!
In your righteousness preserve my life.