there is freedom.

I am thankful for beautiful day and introverted time I got to spend. I thoroughly enjoyed myself today as I walked around waterloo park and found a nice spot under the sun and by the mini waterfall to sit, journal, read and reflect on a lot of things.
I feel like so much happened today. After meeting up with a friend in the morning my heart felt really sad. I was realizing the amazing relationships God had blessed me with paired with the regret that I wish I had invested more into them. Certain relationships are only beginning and others have been put on hold. Still others have been growing and flourishing but my time here is done.

I don't want to say that these relationships are ending. I have been brought so much joy and growth and been impacted by so many of these relationships that I know distance cannot break it. But, I know that change is coming. And I hate change. I know I'm going to need to learn to adjust and in that, these relationships are going to look different. It honestly makes me so sad to think about next year, of leaving, of starting over, of the unknown....

I don't want to leave. I love these people too much. But I also believe in God's goodness. I know he places people in your life at a specific time for a specific reason. I also know you are placed in someone's life for a specific time and specific reason. And when these relationships change it just means it's time for new people to be in your life. It doesn't mean these relationships are over. They never will be. But the way they are, how they look like, the way it impacts you in daily life will change. I trust that God wants only what is good for you and he makes room in your life for more goodness to come. I am in the state where my life is comfortable, I love the people and relationships in my life, why does God have to go and upset that? But I'm holding onto the promise that there is more he wants for me and the people in my life. Things are good now, but it's only a fraction of God's gift to us. He wants to give us more and we have to allow God to make changes in our lives so that we can receive it.

I'm still in that learning to adjust state. It's difficult and I think it will take awhile but it's crazy what happens next. It's like as soon as I reaffirm myself that God is good and has a lot promised for me, I get an email from teacher's college saying I am able to defer my acceptance for the following year. I don't know why God is so good. I need to keep having faith that God wants only the good things for me and is looking after me. He is holding me in his hands. He is a big God and there is nothing too big for him. :)