Last night was officially my last KCF meeting. I don't think words can properly express my love and appreciation for this community God has blessed me with. It's really something different. I wish I could've taken a polaroid of last night to put into my 500 project but it's not something that can even be captured with a picture.

It's amazing seeing the dynamics that makes up KCF and yet the comfort and home that people find in it. When the first years and new comers were told to get food first, more than half the room got up (amazing! also meant no food left for 4th years :P JKS! haha) But seriously, that was pretty cool to see.

There were performances by various groups, some rapping by 3 of our lovely grads, the first year boys small groups singing and of course our amazing dancing O_o (what were we thinking?? hahaha so shameless but amazing memories to look back on :)

It was great hearing people share during open mic about how they thought they wouldn't fit in or be comfortable but felt since the first day they entered KCF were welcomed right away. It's so encouraging to hear how people are really able to call KCF their home and seek support, love and friendship in the relationships they've formed through it. God has seriously blessed Waterloo so much. He's given us so much grace and you can see people really are catching on to the vision of what God wants to continue to do.

As the night was ending, I found myself standing in the corner of the room, just watching and soaking everything in. It really brought me joy. I'm so excited for next year and everything that KCF will experience, the ups and the downs. I will keep praying that people continue to say yes to Jesus and yes to risks. It's only through saying yes to the scary things, trusting that God holds you in his hand, that we are able to experience life, true joy and more than we can ever imagine for ourselves.

It's bittersweet as I'm facing the reality that I won't be in Waterloo next year. The people i've met, relationships i've formed, the community that has taught me so much and the individuals who have endlessly supported me, it breaks my heart that I have to leave. I know it's not the end though. These relationships will always be a part of me and a part of my future. I hate change but I know that change needs to happen. We can't grow if we are constantly in comfort, in the same place and experiencing the same things. It just hurts a lot and is really hard to adapt to new things, but I believe there is also new community, more joy and more love as a fruit of change.

I feel like because I'm leaving too that i'm gonna miss out on so much, and I want to be a part of the amazing things God has planned for UWKCF, but I'm realizing that I'm still gonna be a part of it. We are ambassadors for God. He calls us into different places, different roles and different things for him but we are all fulfilling his grand plan. It's encouraging to realize that we're still all in this together. People going after God, pursuing God and doing God's work together is truly a family. We really are brothers and sisters :) So, even though i'm being called somewhere else, we are all still growing in God's kingdom :)

ah, it's only April though. I still have time before I leave :) I'm gonna absorb it all in!

Day 0

My attempt at starting 365 failed today. I took a Polaroid and realized I had no film. NTS: double check next time! I thought I'd post what Day 1 would've been here and label it as Day 0.

Day 0: 'me' time in a season of chaos

365grateful.com from hailey bartholomew on Vimeo.

i'm going to start doing this. i've been doing something similar, journaling and writing a line a day of something i'm thankful for or something that makes me smile...it's been a couple weeks already since my last entry though :( since visual imagery is so strong for me, i'm gonna try it with my polaroid :) or maybe instagram haha still have to decide. i'm gonna really try and commit to one entry a day though :) i'll probably do it with my polaroid, that way i'll have something physical! and it'll give me an excuse to bring it everywhere i go!

we need to intentionally look for the joy in everyday. there is always something to be thankful for. i can so easily be disturbed by the darkness of our world but where there's darkness there's light too right? :)

i have a problem. i seriously don't know where all my time goes. i have so much to do but can never focus. ughhh. i'm so ready to graduate. just one more week! and then i will be free. must must must give it my all and finish strong!

be in the present. i hate change, the prospect of change and anything to do with change. it's easy to dwell in the past or what is to come but the most important thing is to be in the present. with so much change coming in my life, it's easy to think about that, forget the things of the present and focus my energies elsewhere. that's not fair. i'm still here. i need to give my heart to everything that i'm a part of now.

there are exactly ten days before the end of my undergraduate classes. as much as i want this hell week to be over, i will miss these late nights studying with such dear friends. late nights, late snacks, a little bit of craziness, fun and lots of love.

this is how is see it:

i'm on the edge of a cliff in the heart of a volcano. there's a whisper telling me to jump in. obviously everything that's sane and everyone i know is yelling for me to turn around, run away, leave. but......i jump. why? not sure. maybe i'm delirious. but the whisper promised to catch me before i get consumed in the lava...so why not?

so i jump. it's getting hotter and hotter. i'm getting closer and closer to the lava and my fears and doubts build. uh...i jumped! you said you were going to catch me..i'm get REALLY close now. bits of lava are bubbling and my skin gets licked a couple times. it is extremely painful......i'm holding on to the promise that i will be caught. in his timing. i just need to trust.