I only have to look.

Recently I've been feeling in a kind of low. I felt like my life had just fallen back into this compliant cycle where I am just always struggling to get caught up in school, finish my assignments, study for midterms and go to class.

In some ways, I felt very dead. I felt like I was just trying to hold on. I couldn't find my passion anymore, I lost my little excitement in things and I felt like I was just going through the actions of my life.

On Friday, at my fellowship large group, someone shared a story from when she was a child. She shared an area in which she was broken as a child and which stayed with her until she became an adult. This brokenness kept her from being alive and kept her bound. It wasn't until Jesus came in to heal that area of brokenness that she was able to be alive and free and feel the joy that we can experience in Jesus.

I went to a 'follow-up' prayer meeting on Sunday. We were just discussing as a group what we thought of Friday and what changes we wanted to see in our lives. Where are we broken and what do we being alive look like? It made me think a lot and reflect to see really, where are my areas of brokenness? I still don't know.

I guess in a lot of ways, I'm not confident and I feel like I must be independent. Growing up mostly on my own and with my sister, because my parents were always working, I think I embedded into my self this need to only rely on myself. It's hard for me to receive things from people or ask things from people but I am so comfortable and love giving and taking care of others. I think I grew up believing that I should only receive things from myself because I can provide for myself, but because I don't want others to lack what I did, I will also provide care for them.

I also feel like I lack confidence in the stuff I do because I never had a reassurance or someone there to tell me good job, or this is wrong, or you shouldn't do that.

It's crazy how it goes into my present day life now and I am seeing this revealed through Bangladesh. I hate asking people for money to support me on this missions trip, and that's probably why it's taken me so long to finish my letter. I'm also lacking confidence that my letter is any good and so I haven't sent it out. Weird how everything comes back haha

I am encouraged though by something that happened yesterday. I guess after being discouraged for a while, only if I look, God will reveal himself to me and show me that He is right here beside me, with me through everything that I do.

My Bangladesh team from Waterloo met yesterday to brainstorm some ideas for an awareness and promotion video we want to make. We were struggling with ideas and decided to pray (smart thing to do right? haha) After inviting God into our space to work with us to fulfill His will He provides us with our friend who is really creative and expertise at making videos :) We got a lot done and a lot planned out but by no way could I say it was coincidence. Just by the sequence of events, us being at that place, him being at that place...when there is minimal chance he would be there...I believe God did place him there to help us out. I could make a big deal or small deal out of this but I am just encouraged to be reminded that God is with me in this struggling process. He is in all the details and He truly has everything planned out already :) I only have to trust Him!

I need to learn to depend fully on Him, with all areas of my life, because God is faithful and God is sovereign. He loves me and He only wants what's best for me :)

<3

This guy is soooo talented! He has so many covers of so many modern songs...makes me miss my cello haha

i keep struggling with writing my fundraising letter...what do i do?

this is cute ^^

She's soooo pretty!!! :P

"I won't let heart break
stop me from chasing dreams.
Cuz that's me
I'm just a girl
I want to be loved
Someone to cherish me
I believe. I believe
I'm just a girl boy can't you see
I'm tired of being the one that's perfect. I'm sorry, that's not me
I'm just a girl boy can't you see
I wanna run around in sweats and not be judged for what you see
I'm just a girl"

Big Bang is BACK!

♡

Finally ^^ The stuff is O-K but it's been awhile :P

reading weeeek!

Such an unproductive week :P The weekend was fun! Went to Niagara Falls with some awesome friends then on the way back I sprain my ankle... again hahaha. Such perfect timing -.- It's not that serious...but still ruined my plans for this week :( I guess it means I can study more but instead I've been watching Secret Garden ^^ hehe NEVER start dramas! hahahha oh how I've missed them...I need to finish it then I can study :P


at niagara with the chingus :)

new love for this song ^^

one more thing...

I stole this from my friend:

"never settle. don’t compromise. don’t be an OPTION, be the ONE he wants and trust in the Lord because he WILL provide the best person. handle a lady’s heart with extra care because you don’t know what she’s gone through. respect the integrity and character of a man.
and never resist the love that is pouring out onto you from heaven. the love that is full of truth. that love sets you free. (John 8:32)"

Just sayin' :) It's Valentine's day and a lot of the time people hate it, there's even posters with S.A.D (Single Awareness Day) but God will provide the best person for us when the time comes and we have the best love of all already everyday :)

hehe so everyday is valentines day!!! <3 <3 <3 hahaha :P

happy valentine's day ^^

photocredit:stephsayshello